Day Ten

Weds March 21st, 2012

Less then 24 hrs on the good floor and he took a turn for the worse. Tonight Kase throws up at least 400 cc's of blood, heart-rate up, blood pressure down. They want to see how quick he is bleeding so they insert a G-tube down his stomach threw his nose. I have to sit there and watch his eyes fill with horror as they put the tube down his throat. I tell him he is OK, he can do this. "Just swallow, yes you can... you can swallow it."
He hates it, it feels weird.  I hate it too. It makes him look sicker then he is and it scares me. It sucks the stuff out of his stomach but most of it is not blood anymore. I really dont think he has much of his own blood left.  I sat in bed with him and hold him as they try to find another vain to start an IV. It hurts more and more to start the IVs and it makes my heart ache for him.

 They take us down to the PICU with me on the bed. All curled up around him, I wont leave his side tonight. I finally bawl, and bawl hard. Harder then I have during this whole process. I am not sure he is going to get better. I feel hopeless, I am sad for him. Scared for him.
He has 5 pumps and 4 IVs.

After things settle down and we have talked with more Drs and nurses and people I really don't want to see, Kase snuggles up on my shoulder and falls asleep. I hold him and sob. This really sucks.