This girl.

We have had a lot going on this month, and when I get stressed I am so impatient with the kids and especially Macie. She has been too much for me to handle alone and after some upset girl problems at school she was been mean spirited and defiant.  She didn't come home from school yesterday or today and me and Kase went looking for her. Then when she got home it was lie after lie about where she had been. privileges where taken away and she started in about how mean I always am to her. How I hate her, how she never does anything and I just like to get mad at her.

Its hard to explain to her about "fairness" or the lack there of in the world. Its a constant complaint from both olders. I feel like we final got to some understanding about punishment and whos fault it is. This has also been so challenging.  How do you teach rules and consequences?

She did say one thing that hurt me...she told me I barely tell her I love her anymore.  Because I never loved her ...that I've always hated her. It broke me. I sat there and hugged her and told her I loved her.  Told her at times I might need to be told to hug her more if shes having an extra bad day.

I'm so sad for her. I know her sweet soul, her amazing potential,  her drive, her beauty. Maybe I keep focusing on the choirs, responsibility and attitude and I'm not loving her enough. 

Really loving.... hugging....talking....listening.

Little hiking adventure

We have spent just under a week fighting so little cold in our house...heading out explore was a perfect . We went on a short walk and the babies found hundreds of yuccas. It was so funny to hear them get excited about them cause really they are all over.

It feels so good to get out in the sun shine and run around :)

Happy Valentines Day

Back to square one with Macie

Im not sure what has changed. I have been more attentive to her. Taking her to things with me, working less. I have kept consistent chore schedules with her, given her time to play. It seems like she has started pushing the boundaries again and I have pushed backed with punishments. She has gone back to yelling, arguing, fighting, whatever she can to cause problems and chaos in our home. I don't get it, don't get her at all. I spend hours at night fighting with her about chores, taken things away, putting her outside for timeout... she will look right at me and "say I don't care. I don't play with that, I don't play with that. You wont ground me, keep me outside for 5 hrs i don't care." I am about to lose it with her. I don't know what else to do.

Today was the day I felt like it finally clicked

After months of struggling and fighting , months of tears from both me and her, appts with the councilor , new rules in old rules taken outs, AFTER a really long couple of months we have had a really great day. Chores done without a fight...help with dinner ...homework done and in bed before 10 with NO arguments.  HUGE!! Seems small, seems minimal but it is huge for us. Huge for her....good job Macie!

Nutcracker Ballet

We have all looked forward to watching Macie preform in the nutcracker this year. Its been a tradition of mine and hers to go see it every year and watching her in it gave me big mama pride!

Macies best friend

 G&G drove all the way down to watch her .....I have some really great parents!

 Me and my girl

 Us and Gma

 These are all of Macies favorite people

First Day of School

The kids were so nervous for school this year. They have been in the same school their whole little lives and starting a new school is scary for them.  It didn't make things better that we were late ....

and these were the kind of looks I got !!

but after some pretty intense threats of grounding and such I got a couple good ones 

Beautiful Macie

Macie Moo

Macie @ 8

She is a pure and kindhearted

Loves her sister

She photographs perfectly, she is naturally gorgeous

Adores animals and want to keep everything she finds

She got her ears pierced for the 2nd time

Gets in trouble a lot and it breaks my heart .

Is a great companion and loyal friend

 Has kept her blond hair and blue eyes

 Loves all food

Favorites are desserts, veggies, ribs and crabs

Is extremely sensitive on all levels

Is a great little creative force of nature

Has the best snaggel tooth smile right now

My Girls

I have alot of people asking my if I ever take shots of Macie when she is smiling because she is plastered all over in my house, and on my website with these somber expressions. Well let me give you a behind the scenes look at what goes on when I take her pictures! I have a last min cancelation for an orchard session. I decide that today is the only day that this is going to work w my girls so I curl macies hair and argue about how i didnt mean to pull it but if she held still it would happen. I tell her to get dresses. She hates the outfit, it doesnt match, she wants to wear something else...I feed the baby, load the carrage, hair bows, ruffle romper and all 4 kids in the car, turn around becuase I forgot my camera...finally on our way....30 mins later then I wanted to be but I figure we will have plenty of time. Macie falls asleep on the way out there, her hair is static crazy and it is COLD! Not a good way to start out. So Jusitn keeps the baby in the car I haul the buggy and rest of the props out to the spot. Set up my camera, then ask Macie to get out so I can check my lighting. I also figure that I should try to get some good ones of her right then...I now that Kam will not last long in the weather....I tell her to look at me, sweet smile, I want to see my pretty girl...this is what I get....It was cold but not that cold and her fake shivers are ridiculously dramatised. I have her take a jog around the trees to get her blood pumping. Bad idea. She falls, comes back with sticks in her hair, a hole in her leggings and tears down her face. We recover from that...I lose my patience, yell and walk away. Finally after 45 mins out there we get Kambrie out settled I take 5 shots of them together(....this was my favorite because she was checking on her to make sure she wasnt too cold.) I snap a couple of her, in between the shivering, complants... and the pouting, I cant forget about the pouting. :) So Ill take the somber moody expressions from her because in reality that might be all I will get when I photograph her!!