Friday, May 23, 2014

This girl.


We have had a lot going on this month, and when I get stressed I am so impatient with the kids and especially Macie. She has been too much for me to handle alone and after some upset girl problems at school she was been mean spirited and defiant.  She didn't come home from school yesterday or today and me and Kase went looking for her. Then when she got home it was lie after lie about where she had been. privileges where taken away and she started in about how mean I always am to her. How I hate her, how she never does anything and I just like to get mad at her.

Its hard to explain to her about "fairness" or the lack there of in the world. Its a constant complaint from both olders. I feel like we final got to some understanding about punishment and whos fault it is. This has also been so challenging.  How do you teach rules and consequences?

She did say one thing that hurt me...she told me I barely tell her I love her anymore.  Because I never loved her ...that I've always hated her. It broke me. I sat there and hugged her and told her I loved her.  Told her at times I might need to be told to hug her more if shes having an extra bad day.

I'm so sad for her. I know her sweet soul, her amazing potential,  her drive, her beauty. Maybe I keep focusing on the choirs, responsibility and attitude and I'm not loving her enough. 
Really loving.... hugging....talking....listening.

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