I am struggling with all the responsibilities I am juggling. I don't know why it is hitting me so hard tonight, but I need to get it out of my mind and this is the best way for me to vent and for me to share what I am feeling. Being a mother is the most important thing in my life, the thing I have always wanted to be, the thing that gives me the will to live. It 's also the hardest thing I do, and lately I feel like a complete failure at it. I am so overworked, I have no time, no patience for my little kids. I watch them grow up so fast and I have all this regret, all of this pain. I am missing so much, I am losing all this time with them and it is so hard. In the same breath it is easy for me to dive into my work, easy to focus there because it is reward and you know what being a Mom is hard, it is damn hard and it takes everything out of me most days. I feel so overwhelmed, I feel like I am right at my breaking point. Overworked, sleep deprived. Justin says I do it to myself, which that statement alone pisses me off! I don't want to be the money maker, I don't want this responsibility. I have to work and some days I resent him for it. Do get me wrong, I love what I do, I am grateful for the amazing growth my business has had BUT there are some days where I just want to be the Mom, I want to get up take my kids to school clean the house and watch TV. I just want to be a normal Mom. But I know if I was back to that life, I would find something else to occupy my time, I would be doing as much as I am doing know. SO really what I need is a better method to juggle and divide my time. In the end I am doing the very best I can do. But is that enough? Will it ever be enough?
7 Spooky Halloween Cakes
1 year ago
5 comments:
first let me tell you that you are not a bad mom for many of us feel like this on a regular base.
i wish l lived closer because l would say ...lets go for coffee, fro l so can relate to you.
i too love my photography business but have come to depend on the income from it this past year. But these past months has been so crazy busy that l to think l do not have time to breathe. Especially with christmas around the corner. Just yesturday we were all done at the Veterans Parade and and l all l wanted to do was to go home and spend the rest of the day with my family. But l am so extremely behind on my editing and l mean so behind that l had no choice but to lock myself in my office as my family all played outside. I tried to justify in my head that l did spend the mornin with them and we did go to the parade and paid our respects...but l feel like man l am missing out on way to much with my kids and my husband. Stay up to 2am trying to get things done.
If only there were more hours in the day....if money fell from times...if kids never grew up. Wouldn't that my awesome.
I feel for you more then you know. I feel the same way these past few months.
No that we are not a bad mother and l to wish that there was an answer to this question on how to juggle time. Knwo that there is someone out there that feels like you.
Hope that you feel better, best of luck with everything!
Tracey :)
I agree, dont do that to yourself..All mothers second guess what we do...and we all know our children are number one priority...you have to do what is best for you...so take a breather...and make time to get yourself healthy..if you dont, you will crumble....
Girl- You are Amazing! We all take on so much, & I had my meltdown today. You are a hard worker for your family & a good mom. I know some days it seems hopeless- today was my day! We just have to keep plugging along & know that tomorrow is another day. :) I always feel like everything has to be so perfect. Between being mommy, massage, wife, church callings, sports & just LIFE...guess what? - Surprise, it isn't. We just have to keep smiling & trying our best.
I am always here to go shopping, get yummy drinks or just hang out. Hang in there :)
Love
Jodi
I don't know what it's like to be the breadwinner, or even a working Mom, but I still understand. Being a mother is hard work, and you often end up feeling overworked & underappreciated. Those feelings lead to stress & yelling, and then feelings of guilt for not enjoying the time we have together while we have it. I do have one thing that has really helped lower my stress level and enjoy our time a little more. I've learned to let go of perfection. It's hard, and it's still a work in progress, but it REALLY has helped me. I stress less, and yell a lot less. Like our Halloween for instance... Before, I would have gotten so frustrated and irritated with their breakdowns and fits on a day that was supposed to be fun. But finally, I realized that it just doesn't matter. Rogue went through 3 different costumes before finally refusing to wear the new one I had just bought him to make him happy. So what? Does it really matter in the long run? He didn't wear a costume, I didn't care, and instead of arguements, stress and tears, we all just had a good time. Anyway, like I said it's still a work in progress for me, but I try to often just think- does it really matter? And remember that it doesn't have to be perfect.
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Seriously. With all the holiday sessions over th past month, I have had major guilt.
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